A Crafty Beast in the Garden

It's that time of year where we're picking muscadines off our vine in the side yard garden.  Muscadines are a type of grapevine that grow in these parts.  They have thick skin and a lot of seeds, but the grape itself is very tasty.  I like to eat them sun-warmed right off the vine and spit the seeds on the ground.  We have many young muscadine vines coming up all over the place now.  Russ took one with him to his home and is adding to his vineyard.  He has his vines growing on a hurricane fence.  Our vine gets bigger every year and it is trellised on a cattle panel supported by two t-posts on the ends.  Russ was a horticulture major and explained to me that if we had pruned our vine properly, it would have made more grapes this year.  When the plant goes dormant, we'll give it a haircut so that we have a more abundant harvest next year.

I keep a watchful eye when picking muscadines.  Red wasps love to build their nests under the canopy of grape leaves.  They are hard to see and then when you reach in to pull some grapes off the vine, they fly out and sting you.  Last year I was fortunate to see the nest before they got me.  It was as big as a belt buckle and full of angry aggressive wasps.  In the old days, I'd cut a Dr. Pepper can in half and fill the bottom with gasoline and douse the nest with the gas.  It 'freezes' them instantly.  This method is a no-go for killing wasps around things we're going to eat.  It would not only kill the wasps, but would kill part of the muscadine vine, too.  So I put a generous amount of Dawn dishwashing liquid into a cup and swirled some hot water in the cup.  I through that on the nest and the wasps fell to the ground, unable to fly.  My leather boot put them out of their misery and I plucked the nest off the vine and stepped on it, too.

As I was searching for ripe muscadines and keeping my eyes peeled for wasps, I spotted this dude:

It's only a harmless garter snake, but it made me immediately think of Genesis 3:1 that says, "Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made.  And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?"

We have numerous garter snakes all over the place.  They're small and slither under the French doors.  We have to constantly pick them up and throw them back outside.  They eat frogs, lizards, geckos, and worms.  All their favorite foods are around our house, so we're constantly in contact with them.  Sometimes, their desire to get into the house gets them in trouble.  Last week one got slammed in the French door by accident, suffering an injury not unlike the one mentioned in Genesis 3:15.

The serpent I saw in the muscadine vine, fortunately, did not speak to me!  I am under no restrictions from which tree (or vine) in the garden from which I can eat, so I continued picking a bowlful of delicious muscadines.

The Serpent in the Hen House

14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.  Genesis 3:14-15

That, of course, is the Biblical story of the fall.  Adam and Eve were beguiled by the serpent and ate of the fruit that they were forbidden to eat.  It all started from questioning the Creator when He knows best.  Good wisdom for us today.  Life has a way of humbling most folks and we come to realize that God knows what he's doing.  He's put safeguards, commandments, and standards in place to protect us.

The woman on Our Maker's Acres Family Farm had a run-in with a serpent in the hen house this week, and yes, there was enmity between the serpent and the woman.  Tricia opened the nesting boxes so that the hens could begin laying their (precious and expensive) eggs.  When she opened one of the boxes, there was a chicken snake in the box.  We call them chicken snakes, but I think the official name is the Texas Rat Snake.  Snakes, apparently, are no respecter of borders, as he's about 70 miles over the border.

The snake was almost as frightened of the woman as the woman was of it.  The serpent tried heroically to make an escape, but alas, it was not to be.  For the snake had swallowed a ceramic egg that we keep in the hen house, and when he tried to slither through the fencing that lines the bottom of the boxes, his girth was now too wide to get through the fencing.  His greed had trapped him.  Ordinarily, if it was a real egg, it would have burst.  Ceramic eggs don't burst.  Tricia picked up a shovel and then a steel pipe and killed the snake.  

The Battle of the Bulge

That bulge is the ceramic egg.  Ordinarily, the ceramic egg will give the snake a really bad case of constipation and he would die.  Sad, but our land borders some woods.  If you don't somewhat control the snakes, you won't get eggs.  I've got to get my ceramic egg back.  Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle, right?  I cut the snake in two right above the bulge.

I used my foot to coax the fake egg out of the snake.

And here we are.  I got our egg back.  I tossed it right back in the box.  You'll notice it has an "X" marked on it with a Sharpie.  They look so real that we were picking them up when we picked up eggs each afternoon.  The X lets us know that it's a fake egg and to leave it alone.  Apparently, snakes haven't cracked that code, yet.

We welcome the snakes to come eat the rats.  We have plenty of those in the barn and hen house.  Rats move, however.  An egg is a stationary target and is easier for the snakes to get a quick meal.  This one paid a high price for his egg breakfast in the drive thru line.

Serpents in the Garden

One afternoon last week I was in the backyard after filling the cattle trough with water.  I stood there admiring Tricia's rose bushes.  The pink ones are putting on a show.  So pretty!  As I was standing there looking at them, something else caught my eye.  Can you see it?

I'll give you a hint:

Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?  Genesis 3:1

See it now?

No, this wasn't a talking snake.  Or at least I didn't stick around to find out!!  This is a Blue Racer snake and it is called this because they can slither up to 4 miles per hour!  They grow up to 36-60 inches long.  Blue Racers eat small mammals and other snakes, so I left it alone, unharmed.  He can eat all the small mammals and snakes he wants around our house.  Tricia wasn't excited about this decision; however, I justified it in the confident knowledge that Tricia could run faster than 4 mph if this snake was chasing her!

The Last Thing You Want to Find in Your Bathtub

Sunday afternoon we were all rushing out the door to make it to evening services at church.  I grabbed the keys and was on my way to the garage to get the car started when I heard Tricia call from the back of the house.  "Kyle, there's a snake in the house!"  I immediately thought that it was just a garter snake.  There are a bunch of them all around the back patio and they do get in the house quite often.  We just pick them up and toss them out the back door.

But then, as if she was reading my mind, she added, "And it's not a garter snake!"  That made me move a little quicker to where she was calling.  I followed her voice into our bedroom and then into the bathroom.  She was pointing to the bathtub and there I saw it.  It was a juvenile rat snake.  We call them chicken snakes.  They are harmless.  It was a little over two feet long.  I picked up a shirt and threw it over the snake and then threw them into the backyard.  As it turns out Tricia had left some windows open during the nice weather we've been experiencing and I'm sure the chicken snake decided to come indoors and get in our bathtub to give us a scare.  It didn't turn out well for the snake.  Come to think of it, this is how all our trouble started - with a woman and a snake!

This chicken snake was a small snake and they are good for cleaning out the rat and mouse population, but they will grow very large and then begin eating eggs.  We can't have that.  I have ceramic and wooden eggs in the nesting boxes to fool these snakes.  They'll eat one of those and it gives them a fatal case of constipation.

I picked up a piece of firewood and bludgeoned the snake.  I almost felt sorry for him.

I was thinking to myself and even told Tricia, "Where there is one snake, there's always another."  Sure enough, today I walked out of the garage and saw another chicken snake, this one a little bit bigger.  There was a pipe laying around and I picked it up and dispatched the snake with quickness.

I decided to throw this one out into the barnyard and let the chickens take out their revenge on the serpent.  They obliged.

Two down.  How many more to go?

The Serpent in the Garden

Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?”  Genesis 3:1

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Walking around the garden is indeed a peaceful activity and it is a lot more peaceful when there are no snakes.  In the late afternoon, when the sun is casting long shadows across the landscape, I like to walk around in the garden just admiring His handiwork and enjoying the great outdoors.  So yesterday, in the cool of the evening...

I was walking through the garden, checking out the sweet corn ripening and picking some squash and cucumbers.  It is always such a nice time of day and it is very peaceful and rejuvenating...

I was looking through the rainforest-like foliage of the cucumber vines growing on our trellis made out of a cattle panel searching for cucumbers to pick.  Sometimes they are hard to find and when you do finally see the cucumber, it is over-ripe and bitter and good for nothing except perhaps save it for seeds or throw it over for the chickens to enjoy.  I did find some perfectly sized, crisp cukes that will be a refreshing appetizer once chilled, sliced and sprinkled with apple cider vinegar and salt and pepper.

As I was reaching in to pick a nice cucumber, something amongst the vines caught my eye, making me jerk my outstretched arm back...

It was this guy - he's a harmless rat snake.  We call them chicken snakes around here.  They don't have fangs but very small teeth and they primarily 'make their living' eating rats.  However, and to our dismay, they also eat eggs.

I have a friend who tells me that they are like a heat-seeking missile, and they will seek out rats and kill them.  Therefore you shouldn't kill them.  They are good to have around your place - unless you have chickens (and/or a wife!!)  I waited for the evil serpent to speak to me and fortunately that did NOT occur.  After deliberating for a brief minute on what I should do, surveying the pros (elimination of rats) and the cons (disappearing eggs, baby chicks, and an extremely unhappy wife), I did what Eve SHOULD HAVE DONE in the Garden many years ago.  I went to the garage and got my Fiskars hedge shears, reached into the vines, and I lopped his head off.  The blood flowed freely from the now headless snake, and I picked up the head of the snake and tossed it over the fence to the chickens.

Then I pulled the headless snake out of the cucumber vines and chopped him up in little pieces - bite-sized morsels, you might say, for the chickens to enjoy.  The predator literally became the prey.  The hens couldn't hide their exuberance.  Oh, what joy to behold! 

Snake snack for the chickens

The hens clucked and thanked me as they grabbed their supper 'to go' and scurried off into the pasture with other hens who didn't get a snake snack in hot pursuit.

I hate to eat and run, but...

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” 

14 The Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this,

Cursed are you more than all cattle,

And more than every beast of the field;

On your belly you will go,

And dust you will eat

All the days of your life;

This serpent in the garden was cursed indeed!