Wide Open Spaces

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?  This old dog admittedly learns things slowly (at a snail's pace), but I've learned a few lessons in parenting over the years, especially as it relates to teenagers.  One of those is this little nugget: If you are trying to elicit conversation, never, ever ask questions that are answered with a yes, no, or a grunt or a shrug.  Always ask open-ended questions, specifically those that require some thought.

Sunday afternoons after church we always enjoy a good cup of coffee and some chocolate or a homemade piece of pie or cake.  It is during those times that we'll either open up the calendar and discuss events that are coming up in the next week or we'll just talk and enjoy one another's company. This past Sunday was no different, but a question was raised and answered that made me do some thinking.

To start off the conversation, I asked a simple question to the family.  I asked, "What are some of your best memories?"  If I'm being 100% honest with you, this was a self-serving question.  In an age where we are competing for our children's time against cell phones, netflix, ipads, and laptops and more often than not losing in that competition, I wanted to direct attention to the fact that we have had fun and made good memories.  I say it is a self-serving question because maybe I asked it in order to get some sort of reassurance that we have made family times special.

We went around the room and discussed remembrances of family vacations over the years, funny things that happened, and all different memories in the three different houses we've lived in over the years.  It is interesting that no material good that we purchased made the list.  There was one answer that seemed so far out of left field that it has made me really think about its meaning for a couple of days. While my thoughts aren't fully developed on the subject, this is the best way I know to describe them:

When asked to list a really good childhood memory, Benjamin answered, "I remember when we moved in to our house here on our five acres and it was before we put the fence up that separated the pasture from the house and you could run free and not have to worry about stepping in poop."

A time before fences...  Wow.  That is one of Benjamin's good memories.  Why is that?  I think I know why.  My theory is that everyone has a little boy inside of them that longs for wide open spaces.  Room to run.  Freedom from the encumbrances that tie us down, dampen the spirit and dull our dreams and aspirations.

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I think what Benjamin is saying is that he was happiest when he experienced the freedom that existed before the fences.  Aren't we all? Once fences are constructed, movement is hindered and those very fences tame the beast.  They thwart curiosity, limit adventure and set hard boundaries on exploration and fun.  Why is it that when we become adults, we erect fences when we all have an innate longing for freedom?  Oh, I know why I put up the pasture fence.  I didn't want our cows roaming outside of our property lines and I didn't want predators to get into the pasture and eat our chickens.

We are quick to conform.  We join the rat race.  We dutifully go to a job each day and live within the voluminous procedures, policies, laws, guidelines as set forth by the government, audit, IRS, our employer.  I fully recognize that laws prevent us from anarchy, but there is a point, and I think we're past it, upon which we're not truly free anymore.  We're constrained.  We're fenced in.  And we're straining against it - constantly.  Can you feel it?

I think man was made with a deep longing for freedom.  You can try to squelch it, but the need for self-determination will keep bubbling back up.  Now, freedom always carries with it responsibilities. In exercising our 'freedom' lots of times, we end up building for ourselves prison walls that are pretty darn well close to impenetrable.  You might remember the 'fences' that the Pharisees erected that proved to be a great impediment for the Jews.  I believe the key lies within this verse:

1 Peter 2:16 says "Act as free men and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves for God."

If it seems odd that the verse tells you to act as free men while being a slave, that's because it is!  But we must understand that He is the Author of freedom.  In serving Him, we can experience the freedom that gives true and lasting joy.  Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Benjamin's desire for wide open spaces is a God-given attribute, one that should be encouraged and developed.  As his earthly father, my goal is to give him the freedom he desires while at the same time, providing direction, teaching and mentoring he needs.