Etiquette on the Farm

What a strange topic for a homesteading blog!  Etiquette and Farming are two words that aren't usually used in the same sentence.  Back in 2001 when I was rice farming, I was fortunate enough to be named to the Rice Leadership Development Team in which Chuck Wilson and the USA Rice Federation put together a fantastic program funded by John Deere and Syngenta to train upcoming leaders.

One of the classes that we went to was put on by June Hines Moore in Little Rock, Arkansas.  She's the author of the book shown below and she taught us to leave our boorish behavior at the door and conduct ourselves as proper gentlemen (or ladies for the females in the group).  My momma tried to teach me the rules of manners but I still get stumped from time to time and I'm sure I'm guilty of being uncouth.  We love the finer things in life, but if I'm honest with you, we keep a page torn out of a Southern Living magazine with our silverware and china as a cheat sheet to show us how to properly set an elegant table when the holidays roll around!

Image Credit

I don't know if this ever happens to you, but on the rare occasion that I'm invited to a formal dining event, I always get real nervous when I sit down.  How do I know which bread is mine?  Which iced tea is mine?  Is it the one on the left or the one on the right?  Well, I always wait until someone reaches for their bread or tea first and then by process of elimination, I'm able to tell which one is mine.  Today I ran across a tip that answers that question in an easily remembered fashion that will enable me to be the first one reaching for my bread and/or tea while those lacking refinement are waiting for someone else to show them the way.  (Ha Ha)  I'll show it to you and if you are already enlightened and know it, you can skip on below to the rest of the post.

First make an "O" with both of your hands, thumbs touching index finger like in the photo below or if you are a farmer, just pretend you are milking a cow and have your hands around imaginary teats from your Jersey cow's udder.

Udderly preposterous etiquette tip

Then release your middle finger, ring finger and pinky finger to where they are pointing straight up.  Notice the left hand now makes a "b" and the right hand makes a "d".

Big Deal

This is a big deal for those that are etiquette-challenged, such as I!  The "b" is on the left and it stands for BREAD.  Your bread is on your left.  The "d" is on your right and it stands for DRINK.  Your drink is on your right.  I'll never forget this now.  Ever.  If I learn one new thing like this every once in a while, I won't have the table manners of Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies and I'll make Mrs. June Hines Moore proud of me yet.

Speaking of bad table manners, our cows are the absolute worst.  Daisy, well, she doesn't know how to have a conversation at the table.  Sometime she just stands there...  And belches!

The Silent Treatment

And Rosie, bless her heart, she chews with her mouth open and food frequently falls out of her mouth and onto her plate.  Oh, the humanity!

Chew with your mouth closed, Rose Ethel!

But that's not the half of it.  Sometimes while she's eating, Rosie will lift her tail...   Yep, you guessed it.  She'll plop out a big ol cow patty while she's eating - at the table! Mrs. Moore didn't mention that dining faux pas in her book! Tricia and I have gotten to where we holler, "Tail!" when we see her tail raising.  We know what's coming and can prepare for the plop.

Bad table manners, Rosie!

Fortunately, we have far better table manners than our boorish bovines.  Well, who would have ever thought that you'd get a neat trick to help remind you which bread plate and drink is yours in order to get further civilized and sophisticated and then view a picture of cow poop all in one post?  You get what you pay for, dear reader! Have a great day and thanks for checking in on Our Maker's Acres Family Farm.